If you’re looking for insight on how to consume weed, look to the stars.
Astrologer Adora Zen of Stoner Horoscopes gives insight on the perfect method, setting, and overall vibe for your next smoke sesh based on your zodiac Sun sign. If you’re skeptical about viewing your relationship to weed through astrology, sit back, and open your mind — getting high and reading horoscopes never hurt anybody.
Aries
March 21-April 19
Characteristics: Eager, Determined, Impulsive, Competitive
As an Aries, you’re a strong fire sign with powerful energy that tends to make you unpredictable. You’re also known for being fearless, which is why your next smoke sesh should involve a fat dab of a heavy indica-like concentrate. Make sure the wax is as loud as you are, because Aries always have to have the best.
Aries can be multitasking, competitive creatures. Try embarking on a solo journey into yourself to calm your racing thoughts. Draw a bubble bath first, complete with nice-smelling bath bombs and candles, then whip out your rig for a funky adventure. Go big, Aries!
Taurus
April 20-May 20
Characteristics: Dependable, Creative, Enduring, Patient
You’re a Taurus, a practical and stable Earth sign with a lot to offer. You’re known for your generosity and grounded loyalty. But this energy can come across as stubborn at times. We prefer the term enduring. A Taurus is never afraid to indulge; your ideal sesh should contain the highest quality glass blunt on the market and an indica-dominant hybrid. That combo is sure to heighten your creativity, connectedness, and feed your love for the finer things in life.
You’re no stranger to treating yourself, so once you’re good and stoned, order your favorite takeout and binge on your favorite series. Your happy place is super stoned under the covers with munchies within arms’ reach. Every Taurus needs a little self-care, sometimes.
Gemini
May 21-June 20
Characteristics: Curious, Adaptable, Flighty, Affectionate
As a Gemini, you have an extremely social and intellectual personality, driven by an unwavering enthusiasm for learning, doing, and talking. You’re versatile and fun, but your (in)famous duality also makes you indecisive and restless. For your perfect sesh, you should burn a mentally stimulating sativa-like hybrid. We recommend Blue Dream or Sour Diesel.
Geminis need multiple smoking apparatus for every possible scenario. Pack the papers, blunt wraps, and a piece for the journey, and decide on the method at your destination. Once you’re good and stoned, your intellect and your drive to do something — anything — fun means you need to put your energy into a game. A boisterous round of Cards Against Humanity, preferably the Weed Pack (proceeds from sales go to the Marijuana Policy Project), will put you in your element.
Cancer
June 21-July 22
Characteristics: Intuitive, Compassionate, Moody, Imaginative
Cancers are steadfast, careful, and loving homebodies. Some might mistake your domesticity and introversion, but perhaps your biggest asset is your persistence and determination to get things done, and done right.
As a water sign, you’re known for being ambitious, which is why your ideal sesh finds you puffing on a joint bubbler to filter your expertly-rolled joints. You’ll begin to unwind as you focus on meticulously packing the joint with a strong sativa-like strain, like Super Lemon Haze.
Once you’ve smoked, you’re in the perfect mindset to kick back and enjoy whatever book you’ve been too busy to read. Let everything on your mind fall away and get lost in the pages right in front of you — you deserve it.
Leo
July 23-Aug. 22
Characteristics: Outgoing, Generous, Dramatic, Self-Assured
As a Leo, you’re a Fire sign and it shows. You know who you are, what you want, and you’re never afraid to take control. You’re loving, supportive, and optimistic. You shine like the sun and want others to shine, too.
While you can come off as domineering or egotistical, your intentions are pure and full of love. Your deal smoke sesh includes your closest canna-buddies, and a good-vibe-inducing sativa-like strain to put everyone in a euphoric mood. And it’s loaded in a golden blunt wrap because your weed needs to be as regal and radiant as you.
Indulge in a communal gathering full of laughs and great conversation centered around you.
Virgo
Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Characteristics: Discerning, Gentle, Shy, Analytical
You can’t hide the fact that you’re a Virgo, your quiet, thoughtful nature always seems to reveal this. You appear introverted, analytical, meticulous, and intelligent.
And you’re a workaholic. Virgos love solving problems and crossing items off of to-do lists. It’s just how you are, and that’s why your perfect smoke sesh has you methodically packing a mellow indica-like strain, Grape Ape would do, into your sleek, efficient one-hitter during 15-minute breaks you’ve scheduled for yourself in-between tasks.
Smoking and getting shit done — that’s your idea of smoke sesh perfection.
Libra
Sept. 23-October 22
Characteristics: Diplomatic, Gracious, Indecisive, Just
The hallmark of any Libra’s personality is balance, with the ability to think critically yet fairly, weighing things out, and eternally diplomatic. You’re a highly social stoner who wants to converse with people who have a lot to say, and of course, wants everyone to like you.
That’s why your perfect sesh involves changing things up and connecting with your internal self. Try smoking with the shades drawn with your favorite pretty, pink bowl packed full of a neuron-firing hybrid like Trainwreck, and the vast depths of your own consciousness. It’s your time to be alone with your thoughts, put the outside world on pause. Your journey to the center of your complex mind starts and ends here.
Scorpio
Oct. 23- Nov. 21
Characteristics: Resourceful, Brave, Distrusting, Passionate
Scorpio, you’re deep, driven, intense, and confident in your abilities. You can’t ever obtain enough knowledge; your brain is always digging to get to the truth of things, sometimes to the point of obsession. You’re a leader and you know it, and that confidence lends itself to impeccable blunt-rolling skills.
If you’re by yourself, roll the perfect solo-blunt; if you have company, volunteer to roll a big blunt for the group. Aim for a mellow and thoughtful indica to bring yourself down a few notches, and get in the mindset to go deep. Systems, data, information, or complex schools of thought — nothing is off-limits for you, as long as it’s not small talk.
Pack that blunt, put a little cherry kief dusting on top, and you will be in the perfect mindset to get totally engrossed in a documentary or the endless rabbit hole of the internet.
Sagittarius
Nov. 22- Dec. 21
Characteristics: Extroverted, Optimistic, Impatient, Humorous
As a Sagittarius, you’re constantly looking for something exciting to do, and are painstakingly bored by consistency. You crave change and adventure. You’re rarely in a bad mood and bursting at the seams with energy, which is why your ideal smoke sesh includes a durable and reliable dry herb vaporizer.
Whether hiking, running, or traveling the world, a vape is the perfect tool for your transient lifestyle. The chamber of your dry herb vape should be packed with an indica-dominant hybrid that lets you relax and places you in the moment. The versatility of the hybrid strain allows you to adventure to the fullest, but doesn’t immobilize you.
With your curiosity piqued and your attention fixed on the present moment, you can make the most of wherever life takes you.
Capricorn
Dec. 22-Jan. 19
Characteristics: Independent, Disciplined, Serious, Responsible
Capricorns are determined individuals born to lead and organize. Pragmatic and realistic, yet wildly ambitious, you never turn down an opportunity to help others. Your unwavering mind lets you focus intensely on whatever’s in front of you, and doesn’t let you stop until you’ve completed the task.
You’re intense, but you get shit done. So, your perfect sesh starts with a heavy-ass indica-like strain, say an OG Kush, to quiet your relentless brain. A perfectly sized, perfectly clean bubbler is the best tool to take the edge off.
Once you’re feeling a bit looser, drop your shoulders and breathe. Capricorns work hard and play even harder. Give your brain a rest and spend time stoned with close friends. What’s better than that?
Aquarius
Jan. 20-Feb. 18
Characteristics: Progressive, Original, Uncompromising, Alien
If you’re an Aquarius, you’re a deep thinker who requires time alone to recharge and unplug from the world. Out of all the Air signs, you are the most otherworldly and curious, which means you also require mental stimulation in order to prevent boredom.
Pack a steamroller full of an uplifting sativa-like strain, think Sour Diesel or ChemDawg, and get those creative juices flowing. Try painting, writing, or expressing yourself in a new way. Use the high to get out of your own head, because you can be an amazing creator.
A good smoke sesh can help you turn those thoughts into some cool and eclectic art.
Pisces
Feb. 19-March 20
Characteristics: Empathetic, Artistic, Overly Trusting, Wise
Pisces tend to be selfless and extremely empathetic, making them a truly genuine friend. Your dreamy and gentle nature allows you to see the beauty in everything.
You’re especially connected to music, which is why your perfect sesh involves grabbing a few companions, smoking and blasting some tunes. Sing along. You’re deeply imaginative, which leads you to reject traditional smoking methods in favor of building a gravity bong to get you as stoned as physically possible. You’ll find yourself sitting on the floor taking huge hits, getting lost in some mellow tunes. We recommend listening to psychedelic rock and a smoking a chill hybrid as you contemplate poetry.
Feature image: Lunar eclipse (Photo by Farzad Mohsenvand/Unsplash)
